Howl
by TrainxEve-Fan12
Summary: Korra and Mako hide their weaknesses, albeit in very different ways. Makorra.


**A/N: First of all, a few things.**

**1. I love this shipping so much. And Skoochy/Jinora, but that's beside the point.**

**2. I have no idea how Mako got to her island in the wee hours of the night. So just don't think about it.**

**3. I imagine this taking place a long while after the current goings on, maybe a year or so? Enough that she'd have developed an uber-close bond with the brothers and it maybe realizing that being the Avatar isn't all it's cracked up to be.**

**4. Do not make a drinking game out of the number of times I use the words 'break', 'beaking,' 'crack,' or 'cracking.' Definitely don't do it out of the number of times I used the word 'and.'**

**Other than all that, please enjoy!**

Her pulse pounds heavily in her ears, the roar of the crowd dull white noise in the background. Ba-Dum, Ba-Dum, making her see the opponents in front of her to slo-mo, whip the water, hit it, spin to dodge, drop down and kick out…

And the match is over. Mako is saying something that could be almost considered congratulatory. Bolin is slapping her back and proudly displaying her to the crowds. She grins and laughs and jumps into the air because that is the appropriate thing to do with the whole world (and the two most important people in it) watching you, but inside she is coming down from her high and it hurts.

She excuses herself right after the match, ignoring Bolin's offers to treat her at a local bar and ignoring Mako's suspicious expression at her rejection. She goes home, or to the closest she's got, and then buries herself in training long after Jinora and Meelo and Ikki and Tenzin have gone to sleep, far enough from the house that she can scream all she wants at the dummies and images she is destroying, screaming nonsense words and curses, animalistic shrieks and broken-girl-sobs.

Nobody thinks she feels the pressure. Nobody thinks she knows how it feels. And pro-bending is a high, is addictive, because she is existing purely as a bender and not as Avatar, is too focused to do anything but follow the flow of the fight. Then it's over and she's forced to remember that she is the avatar and people want her dead and everybody expects her to be perfect when she is just as deeply human and flawed as all of them. When she is hurting just as bad as anyone.

She lets out a cry of "I HATE YOU!" directed at she knows not who as she incinerates another tree, trying to burn off all her energy here so she will not kill anyone, really. So she will not blow up in public and let the rest of the world (And the two most important people in it, the most important person in it) down. So she will not be able to feel it quite as much when the high ends next time.

Suddenly there's a hand on her arm and she whirls around and almost burns Mako's face off. She pushes back and jumps from him on reflex, knocking him back and putting back the physical and emotional space that she knows he is most comfortable with, and, much as she hates to admit it, she is too. The stare at each other, her panting from her bending and him panting from she knows not what.

"Korra." He finally breaks the silence after minutes or hours, she couldn't tell you. His voice is calm, no trace of anger or sympathy or anything else, and it infuriates her that she is reduced to screaming and killing herself inside in the dark of night to keep from exploding and he seems to do so effortlessly. Does he feel nothing?

"It's late," The words are a thinly veiled attempt at telling him to _fuck off_, but he doesn't take the hint.

"Are you okay?" The slightest hint of concern laces his tone this time. She wonders if she imagined it and forces an arrogant grin on her face although her cheeks hurt and her skin feels tight.

"I'm fine, Mako." She gives him an overly-dramatic thumbs up because she cannot show how weak she is, how close she is to cracking apart inside because she is the avatar and she has to be strong and she does not want him, of all people, to see just how weak she is, just how scared she is. "Aw, are you worried about little ol' me?"

He doesn't take the bait, remains stoic. She bites back another aggravated yell. Instead, she turns her back to him and waterbends the crackling wood of the now-mostly-ash tree to put it out completely. She doesn't turn around when she hears his footsteps behind her and thinks that he must be walking away, having decided not to help her if she doesn't want to help herself. Her vision blurs and her shoulders shake and she hears his footsteps stop and realizing he hadn't been walking away but towards her, and before she can hide the tears or yell at him to go away, she feels his arms wrap around her, holding her arms down in a way that somehow manages to seem comforting, even without any words. She can't stop crying although she bitterly wants to, loud sobs that wrack her body and make her shake and spasm and then she starts screaming at the ocean while he holds her from behind.

"STOP EXPECTING SO MUCH!" she screams. "STUPID, YOU'RE ALL IDIOTS! STOP IT! I'M BREAKING AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"

And Mako has started to stroke her arms and she keeps screaming, fewer words and more noises, more wild curses. She screams out her soul and her hurts and everything she has bottled up inside since she learned that being the Avatar was not being a superhero. It was hard and painful and stupid.

Mako works his way in front of her and she responds by hiding her face in his shirt to keep him from seeing what a vulnerable mess she's become. He's so stoic, so hard, like a rock, and she is so unpredictable, like a fire or wind, that it embarrasses her. But she's struck by how similar they are, really. He hides his hurt behind a stoic lack of emotion, she hides it behind arrogant grins and laughter. But they both hurt, they both have held a burden far too large for them – Mako as father to Bolin, Korra as Avatar to the world.

He's stroking her hair and she's still sobbing and she turns her head up and looks into his eyes and sees so much hurt there. He is hurting for her, because she is hurting, and she wraps her hands around his waist and clings to him like he is the only thing keeping her from floating away and dissolving into nothing. And they stand there for what seems like hours before they sink to the ground when her knees give out from under her. She finally manages to stop crying. "I'm sorry—" she begins immediately, and he shushes her.

She thinks he's going to speak but he doesn't, not immediately. He looks pained, like what he wants to say is very hard for him. "…I understand…" he finally says. "Feeling like there's too much pressure on your shoulders. Feeling like you can't be weak because then you let everyone important down." He is brushing her bangs, sticky with sweat, from her forehead without seeming to realize it. "So…you can…you can talk to me, okay? You don't have to bottle it all up." He's looking at her, more unguarded then she's ever seen, and she does something stupid and wonderful.

She kisses him.

And when he doesn't pull away she wraps her arms around him neck and his hands find their way around her waist and suddenly she is under him and they are kissing away their hurting and –

Wait.

Kissing away their hurting?

And his hands are on her hips and she tears her head away from him, turns it away and says, "Stop."

He does so immediately, looking flustered and messy but he's back to being closed off Mako once again. She backtracks desperately, trying to tear down his walls once again by kissing him again but this time he barely responds.

"Mako, I'm sorry—" she says quickly. How can she tell him that she doesn't want them to just be this, a way to take out their anger, a way to release their hurts? How can she tell him that she's not just a weakling who cannot help but losing control of herself when she's emotional? He is turning away, standing up before she can get the words out.

"It's fine. I understand." But he doesn't. He's closed himself off again because he thinks she's only kissed him to make herself feel better. He's afraid she'll hurt him. Use him. "I should go." He starts to turn away.

"No, don't!" She stands up abruptly, fire in her eyes. "I'm sorry!"

"Don't be. I understand why you kissed me—"

"I'm not sorry I kissed you, moron!" she shouts, angry, feeling tears in her eyes again that he is so damn thickheaded. He freezes, turning around to look at her, expression cautious and confused. "I'm—I'm sorry I pulled away. I'm so…scared, Mako." It's hard to admit it but she needs to. "I'm weak and I'm breaking and…and I'm afraid that if we do it like this it'll only be to make ourselves stop hurting instead of because we actually care about each other! I'm afraid it'll be like pro-bending – a drug that just leaves us feeling empty when it's over instead of healthy normal people love! I am so fucked up, Mako, I'm not even sure I can _do_ normal people love anymore!" She is crying again, wiping at her eyes and grabbing her head to keep the thoughts from exploding from it. "I-I don't want you to think I'm weak. I'm so scared of being weak, Mako!" And she realizes that she has said to much and his expression has not changed in the slightest and she probably looks like a madwoman so instead of burning the trees, the house, him to the ground like she wants to she turns to leave and go inside and not sleep.

"I'm so sorry, Mako," she says for what feels like the millionth time that day, defeated and tired, and she walks towards the house barely conscious of it. She feels another hand on her arm and she shakes it off. She does not want his pity. She is angry at him and although she knows she hasn't any real reason to be she is.

"Korra—"

"Go away, Mako. I don't need your sympathy."

"No…"

"Then go away."

"But you need…" he pauses, then grabs her shoulder again, gentler this time, less panicked. "You need me. And I – a-and Bolin – need you. So we can't have you losing your mind and breaking apart, so let me help you. I'll trust you not to hurt me –" and she is struck by how hard that must be for him but his voice is so sincere she doesn't doubt him, "—and you'll trust me not to hurt you. Okay?"

She doesn't respond, and he repeats, less sure of himself this time, "Okay?"

She turns around to look at him and smiles at his uncertainty, she nods even as she starts crying again. Because he is trusting her and she wraps her arms around his waist and clings to him and she will trust him too. She has to. She loves him.

He tilts her head up and kisses her again. There is none of the desperate, painful urgency of their first kiss, nor any of the hurt or regret of their second. There is only tenderness, vulnerability, openness, and she finds she likes this feeling.

"Okay," she says softly after they break away to breathe. "Okay."

And then she kisses him again and thinks about how much better this is then burning things up and screaming at the ocean.


End file.
